GLOUCESTERSHIRE’S ‘cheese rollers’ have defied a ban to show the world they are still drunken inbred maniacs.
The annual event, during which hundreds of people risk their lives by chasing £12.99 worth of cheese over a cliff, has been banned by those who do not understand the ways of the country.
But locals, keen that they continue to be perceived by the outside world as the collective product of shit-covered, cider-fuelled rutting between a shed full of degenerate siblings, just did it anyway.
Gloucestershire councillor Roy Hobbs said: “There is a recent trend in the media of portraying people from the West Country as being sober, welcoming and aspirational.
“But the cheese rolling helps to remind outsiders this is a region where life is cheap and demented, and that they’d be better off staying where they belong, among their own species.”
He added: “Now get off my property before I set my wives on you.”
Organisers say this year’s event went smoothly, with the only fatality being Roy Hobbs’s cousin, who was a bit of an idiot anyway.
Winner Stephen Malley said: “I can’t feel anything below the round thing that separates me head from me shoulders .”
He added: “Not that I gives a fuck. I got the fuckin’ cheese, didn’t I?”