A GUARDIAN-READING couple decided it was time for their 10-year-old daughter to have a painfully right-on talk about contemporary gender issues.
Despite her school providing perfectly good age-appropriate sex education, Helen and Hugh Archer felt that daughter Emily needed extra coaching that was as awkward as it was incomprehensible.
Emily said: “They’ve read a lot about people defining their gender in a non-binary way and decided I should know about it too. I’ve got a suspicion it’s just so they can tell their dinner party friends.
“The problem is they’ve heard some buzzwords on Radio 4 but don’t understand most of it. Dad tried to explain ‘genderqueer’ saying it was ‘people who are boys and girls at the same time, like worms’. I’m pretty sure that’s really offensive. And wrong.
“Then Mum looked me in the eye and asked if I was unsure about my sexuality. I truthfully said ‘no’, but if I was I’d keep it to myself in case she tried to explain trans-exclusionary radical feminists again. Christ, that was boring.
“Dad said he was going to ask the manager at our Sainsbury’s if they’d got a policy on non-binary and cisgendered customers. That doesn’t sound embarrassing.
“There wasn’t much in the talk about actual sex. Maybe they haven’t found a podcast about that yet. But if we do personal pronouns at school I’m going to be top of the f**king class.”
Mum Helen said: “We’ve always brought Emily up to be female. We realise now that was wrong. She can adopt any gender identity she chooses, so long as she’s not too much like her father.”