Child’s drawing nowhere near good enough for expensive new fridge

A CHILD’S application to have his drawing pinned to an expensive new fridge has been rejected.

Martin Bishop, four, spent nearly an hour on the piece which was immediately described as ‘poor’.

Martin’s mother Eleanor, said: “Apparently it’s a ‘car’. At first I thought it was a plate of vomit or some sort of armoured goat. I see no ‘car’.

“Yes, I get that he’s only four and I suppose I appreciate the effort, but this is a very nice, very expensive fridge and I’m not sticking this garbage on it.”

Martin said: “I either need to get better at drawing cars, or remind mummy that I know her and the postman weren’t just ‘playing a game’ the other day.

“It’s a question of whether I place my artistic integrity above my need for validation, and given that I’m four years old, the need for validation is probably going to win.

“Over to you, mummy.”

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Pork pies and tartan blanket turn binge-drinking into lovely picnic

A GROUP of people were able to drink heavily outdoors without stigma by taking a small amount of food and calling it a picnic, they have revealed.

Donna Sheridan and friends transformed getting hammered in a park into a delightful summer outing with just a few extra items.

Office administrator Sheridan said: “With a little effort it’s actually quite easy to turn 48 cans of lager, eight bottles of prosecco and a litre of Tesco vodka into a picnic.

“I threw in some mini pork pies, a multipack of Quavers and a pack of muesli breakfast bars I’ve never felt sufficiently motivated to eat. It really was a marvellous spread.

“Steve brought a tartan travel blanket, and as we got stuck into the Stella in the sunshine I could easily imagine we were the Famous Five.

“And al fresco dining really does give you an appetite. I must have had 12 glasses of Banrock Station before I passed out and ended up with a tan on just one side of my face.

“We’ll definitely do it again. Next time I think I’ll bring brie. And tequila.”