THE government has brought Christmas Day forward to tomorrow and full lockdown to first thing Wednesday, they have confirmed.
With Omicron infections skyrocketing, today has been made Christmas Eve and December 21st is Christmas Day, so the country can briefly experience festive joy before months in lockdown.
Health secretary Sajid Javid said: “We will not cancel Christmas. But we will give you the early Christmas present of giving you Christmas early.
“This is a compromise. You want Christmas and you don’t want Covid. This is the only way to achieve both so start panic-buying now.
“If you’re a sensible Tory and have your shit together you’ve probably already got everything you need. If you were planning on leaving it until Friday to do a big food shop and pick up thoughtless gifts that’s on you.
“Look, we’ve seen the opinion polls, we need you to have a lovely f**king Christmas whether you like it or not. We’ll claim it as a massive victory and have an ill-advised New Year’s celebration in Downing Street. Everyone wins.”
Martin Bishop of Leamington Spa said: “It’s a start, but why not move Christmas to summer when there’s less illness about permanently? If Qatar can move the World Cup why not?”