Cold-calling divorce lawyers promise compensation for bad marriages

DIVORCE lawyers are offering big money payouts for anyone trapped in a painful marriage that was not their fault.

Now advertising on daytime TV

The organisations are using cold calls, texts and attractive people wearing bibs in the high street to persuade the public to cash in on foundering relationships.

Susan Traherne of Stafford said: “I’d always thought my marriage was going quite well, but the National Divorce Helpline pointed out it was the direct cause of two painful hospital stays which left me suffering children.

“Operating on a no win-no fee basis they got me compensation for the damage that it had done to my body and career, and helped me begin a new, happier life.”

The NDH’s Joseph Turner said: “Are you suffering from occasional heartache, wandering eyes, a constant nagging sensation in your ears or erectile dysfunction?

“All of these are symptoms of a bad marriage caused by a reckless third party. But it’s not too late for you to claim the money you’re owed.”

Turner also runs SafeSpouse, which offers insurance against your marriage being written off, and places salesmen outside churches pressure-selling to anyone about to walk down the aisle.

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Cameron urges Britons to steal from European hotels

DAVID Cameron has told British tourists to recoup the UK’s £2 billion EU surcharge by stealing things from continental hotels.

This Ibis in Valencia might have stuff worth nicking

The prime minister said many hotels now have very good televisions in the rooms that are probably worth at least £250.

He added: “Also, shower heads, light fittings, chairs – don’t be shy.

“You could even take apart the air conditioning unit so it fits in your suitcase.

“I was in a hotel in Germany recently that had an Apple Mac in the room, so I stole it and flogged it to one of my wife’s friends.

“Three hundred quid. Fuck you, Brussels.”

Under the plan every Briton travelling abroad would have official diplomatic status, granting them immunity from prosecution.

Martin Bishop, from Peterborough, said: “Sounds good. Will I be allowed to steal cleaners, bellboys, waiters, that sort of thing?”

Mr Cameron said that if the money was not recouped after two years of hotel theft, Britons would shoplift in EU countries and mug elderly Europeans at cash machines.