Colleagues heading to pub after work for just one quick bitch about office bastards

TWO colleagues are going to the pub after work for just one quick bitch about the bastards in their office.

Nathan Muir, 33, and Nikki Hollis, 31, kept the plan a secret and headed to a pub just far away enough from work to be sure to not run into anyone.

During the conversation they referred to their co-workers by the fun nicknames they had invented for them including ‘The Wanker’, ‘The Hippy’ and ‘The Peado’.

They also spoke of the two pairs of colleagues both nicknamed ‘The Fuckers’; ‘The Fuckers (Metaphorical)’ are their respective line managers while ‘The Fuckers (Literal)’ comprise of Linda and Aaron in marketing who are having an achingly obvious affair.

The entire IT department was mocked by pretending to answer the phone and saying “Hello, dysfunctional tech twats?”.

After the bitching session, a few failed attempts at small talk revealed that Muir and Hollis  have nothing in common apart from hating their bastard colleagues.

They then returned to their homes to slag each other off to their respective partners.

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Man who is great with kids would make terrible father

A MAN who everyone says is ‘good with children’ would be a horribly incompetent father, it has emerged.

Tom Logan is convinced he would be dad of the century based on short bursts of responsibility-free time with other people’s children.

However, it has been conformed, that just one day of actual parenting would expose how wildly unsuited he is.

Logan’s friend Helen Archer said: “We tell Tom he is great with kids because he is, in the same way as a children’s entertainer who doesn’t have to get them ready for school or decide whether to take them to A&E.”

Logan said: “I don’t tend to say this around other people, but parenting really is a piece of piss.

“The so-called experts won’t tell you this, but kids love sweet foods, playing video games on your phone and generally arsing around. You just have to do those three things.

“Keep it simple, that’s my philosophy. When I’m a dad I’ll probably write a blog about it.”