THE only way to be charming and self-assured is to be a little bit drunk the whole time, it has been confirmed.
Researchers found that people who claim they have natural confidence or have worked hard to achieve self-esteem are just tipsy and therefore have fewer inhibitions about looking like an arse.
Confident person Emma Bradshaw said: “I have risen quickly through the ranks in my career, impressing managers and colleagues alike with my go-getting attitude towards making bold decisions and not being afraid to speak my mind.
“I tell people I read a self-help book about unleashing my inner tiger, or some other bullshit, but the truth is that I have a glass of Merlot with breakfast every morning.
“Making bold decisions and speaking your mind makes you look like an absolute knob down the pub, whereas in the office I look like Erin Brockovich crossed with Elizabeth I.
“Of course, it’s a fine line between feeling confident and calling Elaine from accounts a heffer in a pinafore dress before being sick in the bin.”
Bradshaw’s manager Martin Bishop said: “We know Emma’s drunk. But we’re all drunk too.”