PEOPLE only use food banks so they can spend their benefits on fags and booze, according to a man who has imagined the problem thoroughly.
Bill McKay uncovered the shocking abuse of the system by combining vague accusations from tabloid newspapers with his ability to make things up.
McKay said: “It’s obvious people won’t buy food if you can go to a food bank and say, ‘I’ll have a 12-inch pepperoni and some Haagen-Dazs for afters’. That’s just logic.
“I can easily imagine an unemployed family getting back from the food bank and going, ‘Ha ha, look at all those idiots who work for a living! Come on, let’s buy some lager!’.
“I don’t actually know anyone who uses a food bank, but I’m pretty well-informed because I watch Channel 5’s Benefits UK: Idle Bastards on the Scrounge.”
McKay has now informed the authorities about the fraud by writing an incoherent post entirely in capital letters on a local newspaper website.