Councils begin not getting enough salt for winter

LOCAL councils have started ordering insignificant quantities of salt in preparation for a hard winter.

Councillor Bill McKay, from Peterborough, said: “We’ve learned the lessons of last year and have made sure we have enough to be able to go mental with it during the first couple of days of mild frost, after which we won’t have any.

“It’s not like it’s definitely going to be icy. It might be nice and warm.”

Roy Hobbs, chief executive of Steadbury Council, said: “Salt is really bad for you. I got a leaflet from the council about it. It featured a cartoon character called ‘Spammy the Salt’ and had massive orange writing.”

He added: “I’ve sent dozens of my staff to salt depots in the UK, Europe and beyond so that they can gaze in wonder at the huge piles and then come home immediately without ordering any of it. I like to think I run a pretty tight ship.”

Bristol-based TV news editor Emma Bradford said: “A lack of salt will enable us to have a reporter based permanently at the depot where the salt is stored.

“Lorries will drive back and forth behind them and a balding man in a high-visibility jacket will appear periodically to clarify the absence of salt.”