Countdown to disaster as man forgets to tell mum that new girlfriend is vegan

A MAN has unwittingly laid the groundwork for a disastrous Christmas lunch by forgetting to say that his girlfriend is vegan.

Tom Logan, 32, has been reminded more than once by new partner Nikki Hollis to share this information ahead of the high-stakes meal, but to no avail.

Meanwhile, mother Joanne Logan remains completely unaware of her house guest’s dietary requirements, despite raising the issue in a phone call with her son, who was was fiddling with his iPad at the time and not really listening.

As a result, a panicked Hollis will face the choice of betraying her beliefs or trying to eat around the near-ubiquitous animal matter, including potatoes roasted in goose fat and Brussels sprouts fried with bacon.

Relationship expert Dr Emma Bradford said: “The ensuing awkwardness will either mark the start of a difficult relationship between the two women, or enable them to bond over Tom’s stupidity.

“Either way he is quite fucked.”

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Tories confirm Brexit is now a religious cult

BREXIT is now a religious cult based on wishful thinking and strange predictions, the Tories have confirmed.

The party has outlined plans for fully-fledged cult promising incredible rewards for believers at an unspecified point in the future.

A sopkesman said: “We will form small, inward-looking communities where anyone who criticises Brexit will be subjected to weeks of brainwashing or human sacrifice.”

Leave voter Roy Hobbs said: “Unbelievers will regret it when they’re being tortured forever in Remoaner Hell, which I’m really looking forward to.”

He added: “I know everything will be wonderful because Michael Gove saw it in a dream and told me all about it.

“There’s no Bulgarians and I’m getting a luxury caravan.”