Couple attempt to get properly drunk on Baileys

A COUPLE are planning to spend tonight investigating whether it is possible to get seriously drunk on Baileys alone. 

Iain and Carolyn Ryan of Warwick have laid in two litre bottles of the popular cream-based liqueur and have vowed to drink ‘as much as it takes’ to get properly, staggeringly intoxicated.

Carolyn said: “We’ve been planning this all year.

“The idea came up last January, when we were finishing a bottle which had more in than we’d thought and found ourselves more than a little squiffy.

“What, we hypothesised, would it be like if we treated Baileys not just as an apertif or nightcap but as the main booze of the evening? Would we be able to get hardcore falling-down pissed?

“Tonight, nothing but the 17 per cent alcohol in that creamy Irish goodness will be getting us shitfaced. Will it be a smooth, mellow drunk or a bloated, sickly one?

She added: “We’ve laid aside the whole of tomorrow for throwing up. We’re not fools.”

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Last piece of actual work this year to be completed by 3pm

OFFICE workers across Britain have confirmed that absolutely nothing of consequence will be done next week.

This year Friday, December 9th is officially the Last Day of Work before millions of employees get paid to drift peacefully toward the Christmas break.

Office worker, Nikki Hollis, said: “There’s an Excel spreadsheet that I’m going to kick the arse out of today. Next week all I’ll be doing is changing the colours of the column headers and watching stupid shit on my phone.

“Plus, it’s the Christmas night out next Friday so I need to really focus on all the petty grievances I’ve built up over the last 12 months.”

Offices have been asked to save on energy next week by switching off any non-essential items such as computers, printers, telephones and lights.