A COUPLE has begun the first tentative moves towards sexual intercourse within the next 12 to 14 weeks.
Stephen and Emma Malley, who have been together for 13 years, are a day into the programme of deliberate touching and loaded remarks which will conclude 20 days later with some sex.
Stephen said: “I’m already ahead of our roadmap for intercourse by grazing both breasts and buttocks in the last 24 hours, while Emma has already proposed a ‘No iPad’ evening.
“Over the next fortnight our pre-foreplay foreplay, where we turn off the telly just to talk, will continue. Compliments will be given.
“I’m fully confident that we’ll be making sweet love before the end of October, or at least in the first week of November if neither of us has a work thing.”
The couple have agreed that, after sex, they will enjoy the relief of having it out of the way for the next fortnight before beginning the whole process again.