Couple certain they are better than all other couples

TWO people in a relationship are convinced that they are the best couple.

Tom Booker and Eleanor Shaw firmly believe they have better ‘date nights’, better holidays and a better social media presence than all other couples.

Shaw said: “We never row except when Tom does something I don’t like, and he’s learning not to do that.

“We share everything – our hopes, our dreams, our status updates. Last night we both dreamed about the same salad.

“Despite being deeply in love we are still edgy, and our beautiful flat is decorated with Banksy pictures printed onto canvas, so you still get that cool urban feel amid all the embroidered cushions. It’s the perfect balance.”

The couple bonded at work after realising they were the best salespeople on their team.

Booker said: “We both understand that relationships take patience, understanding and a lot of compromise. Luckily we’re really good at all those things too.

“It just works. And when it doesn’t, I go and sit in the car and scream.”

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Allardyce bemoans the quality of chips in Slovakia

SAM Allardyce has complained to the FA about the lack of chip barms in Slovakia.

Despite winning in the final seconds with an Adam Lallana goal, described as a rarer sight than a successful Jordan Henderson pass, the England manager fears for the catering standards for the rest of the qualifying campaign.

Allardyce said: “We’ll be fine at Wembley because I can bring my air fryer and a bag of frozen McCain’s from home, but I went on holiday to Malta back in 1982 and the grub was rotten.

“I ended up getting kicked out of the hotel for barricading myself in the kitchen and making boiled egg sandwiches. I doubt I’ll be able to do that this time.”

He added: “The only decent trip we’ll have this campaign is to Scotland. There’s a country that has the proper respect for a deep fat fryer.”