Couple enters sickening 'framed photos of themselves' phase of relationship

A COUPLE have completely filled their flat with nauseating framed pictures of themselves being in love.

Mary Fisher and Norman Steele recently moved in together and plan to fill as many surfaces as they can with shots of themselves kissing, smiling and embracing.

Fisher explained: “These photos capture our shared memories and feelings so perfectly – like being loved-up under a waterfall, or feeling romantic in a restaurant, or snogging each other’s faces off at a friend’s barbecue.

“For us, these photos are a constant reminder of our deep connection to each other, and also of Tom’s skills with the timer on his camera.

“My favourite is the one where we have chunky knit sweaters on, because we look so adorable.”

Steele added: “I’m not going to lie, most of these photos were taken shortly before we boned.

“I really like the one where Mary is in a bikini, that’s the one I’ll cry over and possibly use for masturbatory purposes when we split up.”



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Cakes 'not even close to making work okay'

ATTEMPTS to bribe the workforce with cake have failed miserably, it has been confirmed.

Cakes and ‘cake days’ have been used by managers to distract workers from the soulless and exploitative nature of their jobs.

However employees confirmed that while they were more than happy to eat the cake they totally saw through this patronising bullshit.

Administrator Nikki Hollis, 28, said: “I’ve got to work here until I die because I was born into the lower rungs of society.

“A small cake with blue icing on isn’t going to pull the wool over my eyes, even if I will stuff it into my mouth whole and then return to the cake box three times like some sort of scavenging animal.”

Account assistant Nathan Muir said: “It’s not like Neo in The Matrix just forgot that humanity was enslaved by machines because they offered him a cake.

“However, if that happened he would still have eaten the cake, especially if it was a big slab of Rocky Road from the better of his two local bakeries.”