Couple pretending they met online so they don’t seem weird

A COUPLE who met in a pub are telling everyone they got together online so as not to seem like social misfits.

Wayne Hayes, 29 and Susan Traherne, 32, met when they both started singing along to a Ricky Martin song that was playing on the pub jukebox.

Traherne said: “At first we told our friends how we had met and bonded during a conversation in a shared public space, but we could tell that strange idea was making them deeply uneasy.

“So we pretended we had made the pub stuff up for a laugh, and invented a story about an internet dating site for people who are sexually attracted to those who ‘work in uniform’.

“We could tell straight away that the undercurrent of furtive web-based kinkiness made our friends much more comfortable.”

Traherne’s friend, Helen Archer said: “I am so glad they met on a fetish site and developed their relationship by sending rude photos to each other on Snapchat following a period of social media stalking.

“The thought of people liking one another following a physical meeting is so perverse I can taste sick in my mouth whenever I think about it.”

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Crowd at under 18s night far more pissed than at adult gig

THE crowd at an under 18s ‘dry bar’ gig was much drunker than at an equivalent adult event, it has emerged.

The ‘local metal bands’ event at Fun Hut nightclub in Yeovil admitted younger teenagers on the basis that alcohol would not be sold at the bar, as if this would somehow stop them getting drunk outside the gig.

15-year-old Nathan Muir said: “They weren’t serving alcohol in the club which meant we couldn’t pay £4 for a pint.

But what we could do is buy four litres of much stronger cider in the supermarket down the street and drink that before we went in. We were more pissed than the bands were.

“At least one of my social circle will be getting their stomach pumped tonight.”

Professor Henry Brubaker said, “If you don’t want kids to get drunk at a gig, just serve alcohol.

They’ll never be able to afford to get drunk but they’ll all want to look grown up by actually buying drinks instead of smuggling it in. Just like grown ups do.”

The event also resulted in 14 unwanted teenage pregnancies, 12 headbanging related neck injuries and nine drunken claims of ‘that band will be opening for our band one day’.