Couple spend lovely weekend feeling self-conscious at hipster hotel

A COUPLE who spent a weekend at a boutique hipster hotel had a wonderful time feeling awkward and out-of-place. 

Martin and Leona Bishop booked the trip after reading about the destination hotel in a magazine at the hairdressers, and are now pretending to have enjoyed every minute of it.

Leona said: “They had a DJ right there in the lobby, which was really cool. And he saw Martin looking and gave him a 20-minute DJ lesson on the spot, mixing songs we’d never heard of together really badly while people watched. Which was also cool.

“It’s also a microbrewery and that’s actually part of the open-plan restaurant which is really stylish though it did make everything taste of yeast a bit. A lot. We couldn’t wear those clothes again.

“Our room was themed around a film called Gummo. It’s a cult film, apparently. It wasn’t the perfect decoration for a room. It was nice with the lights off.

“And for breakfast there’s a cereal cafe. I had a bowl of Cap’n Crunch Sprinkled Donuts. Then I went back to the room and brushed my teeth for ten minutes.”

Martin said: “It was definitely different. But I gave it five stars on TripAdvisor because if I didn’t I wouldn’t be cool.”

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Do you still live with your parents? Take our test to find out...

IN the busy, modern world it can be hard to tell if you’re living like an actual grown up with their own place of residence or if you still live with your mum and dad, like a toddler. Take our test to find out: 

How do you wash your clothes?

a) Washing machine or when it’s buggered like now because there’s coins and tissues in the drainage, it’s the bloody laundrette
b) I put them in a basket in my room

What are you having for dinner tonight?

a) Either a Bombay Bad Boy Pot Noodle or a fish-finger smorgasbord, because there’s only one slice of bread

b) Not sure yet, possibly lamb chops in rich gravy with roast potatoes on the side, but if it’s not exactly what I fancy I’ll complain bitterly

How much rent do you pay? 

a) 85 per cent of my salary
b) £85 a week which includes food and utility bills. I know, it’s an absolute rip-off, that’s my money

What kind of car do you drive? 

a) The financial advisor says I’ll be able to afford a 2001 Toyota Yaris when I’m 55, but insurance might be a problem
b) VW Beetle convertible in custom hot pink, 2.0 litre diesel. It’s getting a bit old though, I might trade it in

Would you like to move in with your partner? 

a) Not really, but the savings in rent would mean we can afford a meal out once every two months
b) Not really, his/her parents wear onesies at the weekend


Mostly As: You do not live with your parents. Congratulations on being an adult. It’s shit.

Mostly Bs: You live with your parents and are a spoiled brat secretly envied by all friends who tell you to move out.