A COUPLE who claim to enjoy spending long periods of time in silence are quite obviously doomed, it has emerged.
Wayne Hayes and Nikki Hollis like to imply their relationship is so good that talking is unnecessary, but may just have fuck all to say to each other.
Friend Donna Sheridan said: “Wayne and Nikki seem to believe not needing to talk is this incredible thing, but I think they’re confusing ‘being deeply in love’ with ‘quietly simmering mutual resentment’.”
Hayes said: “Nikki and I often sit for hours without speaking while I look at work stuff on my laptop and she fiddles with her phone. That’s a sign of a really strong relationship.
“We’re so comfortable with each other we don’t need to be constantly yapping, although a few times I’ve thought Nikki was silently enjoying my company and she’d actually fallen asleep.
“It’s great we have this deep unspoken bond, plus it means Nikki rarely tells me about her tedious job, which bores me shitless.”
Hollis said: “I’m so lucky not to be with my old boyfriend who wouldn’t stop chatting and telling me jokes. I might look him up on Facebook to remind myself how terrible it was.”