PHRASES like ‘OK, Boomer’ are annoying but increasingly obsolete. Twats have these aggravating little phrases ready to take their place:
‘Couples that 10k together, stay together’
Likely to be coined by a pair of Strava-addicted twats too good to spend their Saturday mornings nursing hangovers like normal people. Before long it will be printed on skintight his-and-hers running vests in Comic Sans without any irony. Call these people on their bullshit and you will be labelled a jealous hater.
‘So far, so Qatar…’
Every World Cup mishap, from a misplaced pass by Harry Maguire to a maimed stadium worker or a jailed homosexual, will be greeted with this droll reply. Hearing fans sing it to the tune of Sweet Caroline will almost be as bad as FIFA’s decision to hand World Cups to Russia and an oil-rich desert.
The looming possibility of a second Scottish independence referendum needs a suitably snappy name to connect with the public, and there’s no way the country is going to get on board with the logical choice of ‘Scexit’. Instead the tabloids will settle on McBrexit, which will be the last push Scotland needs to tell the UK to f**k off.
‘Platty Jubes Plus One’
It’s hard to make a phrase as annoying as Platty Jubes even worse, but that won’t stop the British public from trying. Come the anniversary of the long bank holiday, people will whip out the bunting and declare the date Platty Jubes Plus One. Unless the worst happens and a mourning public is forced to observe a Statty Funers.
‘Free Rebekah Vardy’
The phrase ‘Wagatha Christie’ has done an amazing job in promoting an otherwise hard-to-follow legal battle, but when the verdict finally lands expect this slogan to emerge if the Rooneys win. So what if it ignores the difference between a civil case and not a criminal trial? The tabloids need to whip up prejudice in as few words as possible somehow.
‘Whose Tesla shall we take?’
The car brand for battery-powered twats is continuing its slow, almost silent, creep across the nation. While still in the minority, owners of Musk Wagons continues to grow. This means we’ll soon be forced to listen to simpletons use the word Tesla interchangeably with the word car. Bore off and get a scooter.