NATIONAL Crack Day was a less relaxing experience than National Weed Day, it has been claimed.
Crack Day revellers in Hyde Park said the day lacked a mellow vibe due to high levels of crime, violence and personal degradation.
Office worker Tom Logan said: Crack Day was fun for the first 15 minutes, but then I realised I desperately needed more crack and was prepared to do anything to get it.
Before long Id emptied my bank account, but fortunately my girlfriend was there so I was able to mug her and take her purse.
Then I stole my mums car and sold it for £20, shoplifted some meat from Tesco and gave a blow job to a dealer in a filthy crack house full of needles and dog poo.
Overall not a great day out.”
Student Nikki Hollis said: I made a load of crack brownies for my friends, but I think I might have put too much in because Lucy started screaming about praying mantises living in her legs.
Then Emma said Annabel had stolen the last brownie and stabbed her in the thigh with a kitchen knife, which was terrible because weve all booked a holiday in Crete.”
Various Crack Day events took place across the country, including a mass shoot-out between crack vendors in Nottingham.
36-year-old Roy Hobbs said: On Crack Day I did two burglaries and a street robbery. Im just hoping my boss doesnt find out, because Im a policeman.