Crime cool again

CRIME has come back into fashion in Britain, with criminals regarded as stylish and desirable role models by young people.  

A police spokesman said: “The 13 per cent rise in crime has nothing to do with underfunding or a chronic lack of police resources. Crime is just so damn hot right now.

“From burglary to drug trafficking to simple GBH, crimes are being perpetrated by sexy, chic people with an aloof swagger and who can’t be tamed by the establishment.

“We send dumpy, cross-eyed officers into schools to tell them not to be swayed by these glamorous outlaws and that crime doesn’t pay, but it does. Of course it does.

“Nonetheless, we urge the British public to report anyone they suspect of being a dashing rogue, a mysterious femme fatale or a smouldering bad boy from the wrong side of the tracks, even though they won’t.”

Tom Logan of Buxton said: “As far back as I can remember, I always wanted to be a gangster.

“Unfortunately I’m an accountant. I do tell everyone that I’m in deep with a series of frauds, but none of them believe me.”