Cyclist in favour of anything that makes people look at him

A CYCLIST is in favour of having to wear any ridiculous-looking equipment if it makes people look at him, he has confirmed.

After calls to make cycle helmets and high-visibility clothing compulsory, Martin Bishop explained that looking like an utter penis was a small price to pay for getting the attention he craves.

Bishop said: “My helmet makes me look like a mushroom from Super Mario, which keeps my head safe but better still makes strangers stare at me. As a 43-year-old man it’s the nearest I’ll get to feeling like an attractive young woman.

“The new safety gear should be even harder to ignore, for example a bright orange Darth Vader costume with a lightsaber to point accusingly at motorists who are in the wrong.

“Another approach might be a reflective vest with a supremely irritating slogan on the back, such as ‘Think once, think twice, think BIKE!’.

“Basically I don’t care how much of a twat I look if people are thinking, ‘Who is that fearless two-wheeled renegade of the road, taking no shit and living by his own rules?’

“I’m sure that’s what they think and not, ‘Who’s that arse in stupid cycling sunglasses who looks like Bono dressed for a women’s aerobics class?’”