Dad chooses saying 'series' instead of 'season' as his hill to die on

A DAD has chosen saying ‘series’ instead of ‘season’ as his hill to die on, it has emerged.

63-year-old Bill McKay had previously railed against calling trainers ‘sneakers’, calling chips ‘fries’ and the use of the phrase ‘have a nice day’, but the battle against the American term for a run of television episodes has emerged as his last stand.

McKay said: “Imagine going to the video shop and asking for a ‘season’ of Only Fools and Horses. We’re not on a beach in Los Angeles, we’re in bloody Droitwich for Christ’s sake.

“In this house we have marmalade on toast for breakfast and we don’t bloody talk about ‘season one’ of ‘Allo ‘Allo, which incidentally is the greatest television programme ever made.”

McKay’s son Adam said: “I’ve told him he can’t use my Netflix login to watch Monarch of the Glen until he says it. It’s going to be brilliant.”

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Couple quietly agree never to mention anniversary again

A COUPLE have quietly decided that neither of them will mention their anniversary ever again.

Tom Logan and Nikki Hollis both let their anniversary drift by without acknowledging it, despite both knowing full well when it was.

Logan said: “At the beginning of the relationship, each milestone felt exciting. Now, much like birthdays in adulthood, it’s just another reminder of our creeping mortality.

“It’s not that we don’t love each other, but after so many years, it’s less a case of ‘look how far we’ve come’ and more ‘oh, you again.’”

Hollis agreed: “We share a bank account, so any gifts or trips we get each other at this stage are just more expenses we could do without.

“After this long together, you start to run out of gushing, loving things to put on Facebook. Last year’s anniversary card was basically an expensive reminder to take the car for its MOT.

“We’ll celebrate when it’s a really big milestone, for example when one of us dies.”