Daddy uses all the best words when he’s driving, kids agree

TWO children have agreed that they pick up all the most useful phrases when Daddy is driving them to school. 

Eleanor and George Shaw, aged nine and six respectively, have found the words their father uses on the school run to be a valuable currency in the playground.

Eleanor said: “I knew a few rude words, of course – poo, bum, willy, the basics – but when I tried using some of the things daddy said to the bus, I got instant respect.

“Turns out that loads of kids simply don’t have access to phrases like ‘fucknut cyclist cocksucker’, which is what Miss Baldwin calls a ‘compound phrase’. It’s really helped me climb a few notches in the playground hierarchy.

“Though it was embarrassing when I couldn’t define ‘utter’ yesterday, but I thought it was rude because I’ve only ever heard it used in the context of ‘utter, utter fucking bastard’.”

Younger brother George said: “My daddy is the best at swearing. Your daddies are ‘piss artists’.”