Dads begin obsessive relationship with thermostat

THE nation’s fathers have forbidden anyone else to touch or even look at the central heating thermostat.

Anyone passing through the hall is questioned closely about their intentions toward the heating beforehand and ordered to avert their gaze while in the thermostat’s presence.

Father of four Wayne Hayes said: “Don’t even think it.

“That thermostat deserves finesse, sensitivity and commitment, not some yahoo roughly flicking it up to 30 with a domineering sneer.

“I’m the only one who knows how to make it click. The rest of you can keep your grubby hands to yourselves.”

Hayes is considered a tragic figure by family members and remains oblivious to the fan heater his daughter smuggles into her room every night.

Wife Karen said: “I’m cranking that sucker all the way to boiling point the moment his back’s turned.”