Man thinks he’s getting his tenancy deposit back

A MAN believes he is going to get his deposit back from a private landlord.

Julian Cook plans to move in the coming weeks and told friends he will use part of his returned deposit towards hiring a van.

Cook said: “Once my landlord gives me my £600 back, no questions asked and without any attempt to try and keep my money for even the smallest damages to the property, then I’ll be good to go.

Sure, the flat’s had a few knocks since I moved in but that’s just normal wear and tear, there’s no way the landlord will try and make out like I’ve somehow betrayed his trust just by living in it. That would be unfair.”

Landlord Roy Hobbs said: “Of course I’m going to return his deposit, just like I definitely put it into that protected deposit scheme thing in the first place.

I am a landlord after all. We’re known for being easygoing, likeable chaps who are more concerned with helping others than getting our hands on their cash.”

Cook’s friend Emma Bradford said: “Maybe there’s a gas leak in the flat and it’s fucking with his brain.”


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The Mash guide to the presidential debate

AMERICA’S presidential candidates have clashed on live television – but who won the debate?

Clinton defended deleting 33,000 personal emails including Wowcher deals that no sane person could ignore.

Trump is insane.

Clinton denied that her hair is looking increasingly similar to Trump’s and that they will eventually become a celebrity couple known as Trumcli.

Trump is insane.

Clinton rebutted attacks on her physical stamina by asserting that she now drinks Horlicks every night and has the malt levels of a 22-year-old.

Trump is insane.

Clinton is not Trump. Trump is insane.

Trump See above.