Desperate commuters clinging to last GWR Class 800 out of King's Cross

HORDES of commuters desperate to escape London before the rail strike are clinging to the last GWR Class 800 to leave King’s Cross, it has been confirmed.

The nine-carriage service departing from platform two was reserved for rail workers and RMT bosses, taking them to safety before the iron gates of the strike slammed down, but became overrun by feral office workers terrified of being stranded.

Requisitions head Martin Bishop, clutching onto carriage seven, said: “In less than 12 hours the only way out is the Megabus. I can’t survive that. I’m 55.

“The city will be in gridlock. There won’t be a plant-based chipotle burger available within two days. Only the strong and the Deliveroo bikers will survive.

“So I’m clinging to the side of the 1.35pm for the two hours until we reach Peterborough. If I jump just right I can get over the fence, bounce off the neighbours’ trampoline and land neatly on my own patio.”

Donna Sheridan, on the train’s roof, said: “I had to stamp on the hand of a woman with a baby to get this spot. She was swept away by the despairing crowds. No regrets.

“Couples have been torn asunder, families ripped apart, and because this line’s in the south it’s electrified so 1.5 kilovolts could rip through me at any second.

“Better than being trapped in London. I’ve got a coffee and I’m going to get my laptop out and get some work done.”

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Make it seem like their idea

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A line chart is way more credible than basic beginner stuff like words, especially because your boss never learned how to read graphs properly, has been bluffing since 2008 and will agree to anything to make it go away.

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