‘Did I throw up in a pumpkin last night?’ asks bleary-eyed eight-year-old

AN EIGHT-YEAR-OLD has woken up in a tattered skeleton outfit surrounded by Swizzels wrappers with a vague memory of being sick in a jack-o’-lantern. 

Joseph Turner admitted the last thing he can remember is shotgunning a tube of Smarties while dancing to Thriller, and that he has a terrible feeling he behaved rather badly.

He continued: “Urgh. Pretty sure that taste in back of my throat means I was mixing Haribo and Maltesers. I’ll pay for that.

“I promised myself I’d show some restraint this year, but it’s almost like I start buzzing as the bucket fills up and once I get triple-dropping the chocolate eyeballs, I’m gone.

“At some point I was definitely running in circles screaming ‘Trick or treat! Trick or treat!’ while holding a flashing, I dunno, wizard’s staff or something. I have no idea. I was basically out of my mind by that point.

“Uh-oh, there’s the pumpkin out in the garden and somebody sure filled that thing up. That is disgusting. Never again. Seriously, never again.

“What’s this in my pocket? Double Lolly. Okay, just until the shakes stop.”