Dinner party guests competing over who has the most working class roots

A GROUP of middle class people sitting in a fancy house all genuinely think they are actually working class, it has emerged.

Tom Booker, his partner Carolyn Ryan and their annoying friends began the discussion over a dinner of cauliflower steaks from the Ottolenghi cookbook, when Tom opened a bottle of Newcastle Brown Ale.

Guest Martin Bishop said: “Tom took a big swig and belched, then looked at the bottle and said ‘Ah, the taste of home’. I pointed out that he was born in Cambridge but he said his parents met at university in Durham, so he was technically a ‘reet Geordie’.

“Then Carolyn started talking about how her first job had been as waitress in a greasy spoon, and Nikki chimed in saying that wasn’t exactly like working ‘down t’ pit’, like her great-grandma’s uncle had to do.

“Helen told us that her parents live on a farm, but we all know it’s actually a glamping site with flashy wooden hot tubs.

“At the end of the night I made a big fuss about leaving early to return to my council flat in Hackney. I’ve had it extensively remodelled and it’s worth several hundred grand, but I’m still a proper Cockney like Jamie Oliver.”


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Rugby fan claims there is rugby on

A RUGBY fan has insisted that a big rugby event is currently taking place, despite nobody having heard anything about it. 

According to Stephen Malley the event, which he claims is called the ‘Six Nations’, is taking place here in the UK at this very moment, despite a total lack of evidence.

Colleague Susan Traherne said: “I think I’d notice if a major international sporting tournament was taking place in my own country. I’m not blind.

“According to him England beat France last weekend, but I went out and there was a distinct shortage of jubilation and flags and beer offers in the supermarket and all the usual shit.

“He says it was on the BBC, when everyone knows sport’s only on Sky, and that England are tipped to win, which is such obvious bollocks I couldn’t even be bothered to respond.

“I think he’s got it confused with the Superbowl. Sad really.”

Malley said: “No, really, it’s happening now, and it’s incredibly exciting. Why won’t anyone believe me?”