A DOG has been dismayed to realise that he is being used as a way for an average-looking man to attract women, it has emerged.
King Charles spaniel Wayne Hayes believed owner Tom Booker wanted a faithful companion, and felt betrayed when he heard Booker describe him to a friend as a ‘fanny magnet’.
Hayes said: “I suppose it’s a bit weird for a grown man to choose such a cute looking dog as me, but I assumed Tom was a caring, sensitive guy who loved small fragile mammals.
“Turns out he’d read an article in Men’s Health about what women like and buying a dog was much easier than getting a six pack. I’m a walking sex trap that he pays in Pedigree Chum.
“The problem with Tom though is that he’s a charmless tosser and that becomes pretty clear after five minutes of conversation. The theory is that women are attracted to a guy with responsibilities but I think they genuinely fancy me more than him.
“Plus, he has to carry bags of my warm shit around in his coat pocket.”