ITV to replace Champions League with footage of people laughing as they illegally stream matches

ITV is to replace Champions League matches with footage of laughing people who are illegally streaming the matches without signing up for BT sports.

The broadcaster lost the rights to show the games after BT paid £1.2 billion for them. Instead of the matches, it will show footage of smug-looking men who have figured out they can watch the Champions League for free with a bit of fiddling about on the internet.

Fan Tom Booker said: “Weirdly I don’t feel a massive amount of loyalty to either an internet provider or a soulless sporting behemoth.

“If BT wants to charge people a shitload to watch the games and the Champions League wants to charge BT a huge amount to screen them, that’s up to them.

“Personally I consider that behaviour morally questionable. Perhaps even more morally questionable than illegally streaming the games I want to watch.

“To be honest, something tells me no one’s going hungry because I’m watching the Champions League for free.”

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Everyone nearly ready to admit Trainspotting 2 was pretty awful

THE general public are just about ready to admit T2 Trainspotting is absolutely shocking, it has been confirmed.

The sequel initially received positive reviews, but only because the world is pretty shit at the minute and it was considered that the public could not handle another let-down.

Martin Bishop said: “Firstly, about 20 per cent of the film is footage from the first film which is something I’ve only ever seen before in Hellraiser 2.

“The plot makes no sense, the actors don’t appear to be even bothering to act and the end is like a Saw film.

“The new ‘choose life’ speech might have worked if instead of saying ‘choose Snapchat’ they said ‘fuck Snapchat’ but alas they did not.

“Also the title is rubbish because ‘T2’ makes you think of either Terminator 2 or some sort of industrial-strength piles ointment.”

However film fan Julian Cook said: “I loved T2 Trainspotting 2 or whatever it’s called.

“Though I also refuse to admit that I’m 42 and that the 90s aren’t coming back no matter how much I want them to.”