Dressing dog up a cry for help

A WOMAN dressing her dog up in human outfits is not doing too well, she has confirmed.

Eleanor Shaw has been putting clothes on her dog and posting the pictures on social media, while hoping the attention includes someone checking up on her.

While seeing an animal wearing human clothes is almost always hilarious, the act of actually dressing them up indicates either a lot of spare time, something significant missing from one’s life, or as in Shaw’s case, both.

Shaw said: “I started dressing Benji up because people liked seeing the pictures, and also because my life is going down the khazi. Look at him sitting up like a human. My boyfriend used to sit like that. That’s actually his hat.

“Last week I dressed him as a Prussian general, and next week I’m going to dress him as Sherlock Holmes. If that doesn’t get alarm bells ringing I don’t know what will.”

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Company seeking 'superstar' settles for deeply mediocre office drone

A COMPANY that wrote a sickeningly over-the-top advert for a boring job has had to rethink its expectations.

Bishop & Muir, an injection moulding company based in Reading, advertised for a ‘flawless superstar admin guru ninja’ before admitting they would accept some who just turns up on time and does not mind making tea.

Managing director Martin Bishop said: “I don’t know why we did it actually, as really the qualities you want in an admin assistant are ‘subservient’ and ‘pedantic’, but when other companies are trying to attract staff using words like ‘rockstar’  and ‘hero’ it’s hard not to join in.

“We also described ourselves as a ‘diverse team of maverick innovators’, when actually it’s just me, my business partner Nathan and weird Carole who keeps leaving her dentures in the office fridge.”

He added: “We employed a man called Kevin. He’s fine.

“Ideally we would have liked a superstar but Bono’s agent said he wasn’t able to work weekends.”