Edmonds’ Wife Questioned Over Absence Of Mercy Killing

NOEL Edmonds' wife was being questioned by police last night over why she has failed to smother him in his sleep.

Noel and Liz Edmonds in happier times before she decided not to smother him

Liz Edmonds admitted during a radio interview that despite the viewing public's prolonged suffering, she has always resisted the temptation to crush 300 aspirin and mix them into his Cheerios.

She described a pact she made with Edmonds that no matter what quiz show, Christmas surprise show, or demented political platform he attempted to foist on Britain, she would keep her high-earning husband alive.

Detective Superintendent Bill McKay said: "A woman from Gloucestershire is helping us with our enquiries into Mr Edmonds' continued existence.

"All we can say is that this woman had the opportunity, the means, and like any sentient being with an ounce of decency and respect for her fellow humans, the motive."

He added: "I have to say that after Edmonds announced his plan for a quiz show starring a monkey, we fully expected her to walk into the station the next morning with the pillow and a signed confession."

Meanwhile Ignitas, the Swiss euthanasia clinic, has offered to help British television presenters who desperately need to stop existing as soon as possible, including Edmonds, Andrew Marr and that awful Kay Burley from Sky News.

The clinic is also involved in a protracted dispute over what it clams is its legal right to kill Jonathan Ross.