Elderly to be cared for by the china figurines they love so much, says government

BRITAIN’S elderly will be cared for by their china dogs, milkmaids and ladies in fancy hats, the government has announced.

The scheme is set to revolutionise care for the elderly by side-stepping expensive care homes and time-consuming visits from relatives.

A Department of Health spokesman said: “Just as dogs provide unparalleled care to the blind and deaf, we believe we can train these cheap pieces of tat to do something other than collect dust”.

It is thought that ‘Milkmaid with Collie Dog’ will be one of the most popular china carers, followed by ‘Laughing Bellringer’ and ‘Spaniel Carrying Basket of Fruit’.

The spokesman added: “We’re also looking at whether or not fridge magnets from holiday destinations could be used to replace nursery schools.”