A WOMAN is confident that every failure or shortcoming in her existence is ultimately the fault of men.
After careful evaluation, Lucy Parry has decided that her unfulfilling job, inability to get on the property ladder and her toast burning this morning are all, when it comes down to it, because of the patriarchy.
She said: “Everyone knows the gender pay gap’s all down to selfish, sexist men. But I’m daring to think bigger.
“The traffic that made me late for work this morning? Guess who was driving the not one, not two, but three cars in front. The fillings I need? Because I’m grinding my teeth over men’s bullshit all the time.
“Phone battery low? Because they’re designed by men selfishly designed them with their gruff, masculine one-text-and-away power usage in mind, not women who know the necessity of scrolling Instagram. See? All it takes is lateral thinking.
“As for why I’m single, that’s obviously on men. For not being handsome, not earning for shit and boring on about the crap they’re interested in. They need to sort it out. I’m excellent to date.”
Colleague Martin Bishop said: “As a man, I fear nodding along to Lucy’s rant is yet another poor male decision which women will end up paying heavily for. Specifically her mates.”
