Exes so lucky to have amazing fake friendship

AN EX-COUPLE feel blessed to still have an incredible pretend friendship.

34-year-old Wayne Hayes went out with Emma Bradford for eight years before suddenly deciding to move to Ipswich on his own, although he still describes her as ‘the most amazing person I’ve ever met’.

He said: “Although I broke her heart, then changed my mind and became obsessively jealous after she quickly got engaged to my ex-boss, we have such a cool friendship.

“It’s not like we just tolerate each other because we have the same friendship group. I often go to her flat, mostly when she’s there but also sometimes on my own just to stand outside crying.”

Bradford said: “Wayne is like a brother to me. The sort of cool fun brother who wasted eight years of my life before deciding he wanted to ‘focus on his career’ and moving his stuff out while I was at work.

“That’s a joke by the way! Look we’re hugging, it’s great.”

Hayes added: “Her new bloke is great too, sometimes me and him go for pints. It’s a shame his eyes are so close together so that he is practically a cyclops, and their babies will look really weird.

“I’m sure they’ll be happy anyway because that’s definitely what I want.”

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Trump launches ‘Trumpbook’

DONALD Trump has launched a social networking site just for him and his insane followers.

Following Twitter’s threat to ban him, the president-elect has set up Trumpbook, where he will never be challenged and members will automatically like the many pictures of his dinner.

Trump said: “If you want to join it you’ve first got to have voted for me, or be a bit of maniac or a lady with large breasts.

We won’t be banning anyone for saying anything wild or unfounded either because as we all now know, anything that’s wild and unfounded can only be true.

“Putin’s going to be on there. I mean, whether I like it or not, Putin will find a way of getting on there.”

Trump also added that he wasn’t ‘married to the name’ saying: “Trumpspace is another potential name for it.

My only worry about calling it Trumpspace is that it only lasts a few years and then it will be completely forgotten. I’m sure that’s not what the world wants.”