Failure with opposite sex re-branded as celibacy

A 36-YEAR-OLD man has decided that his inability to find a sexual partner is actually a spiritual decision to remain celibate.

Carpet fitter Tom Logan has not had sexual intercourse since 2008, despite a series of failed dates.

However he has now decided that he is in a period of being deliberately non-sexual for reasons of personal growth.

He said: “I didn’t even realise I was celibate, but now it seems so obvious.

“On a superficial level I was quite keen to have sex, even becoming quite obsessed with certain women and spending entire evenings looking at their holiday pictures on Instagram.

“But deeper in my subconscious I had decided that celibacy was the right path for me. I had to learn to love myself as a non-sexual being, like Russell Brand or a Tibetan monk.

“I’ll probably remain celibate for the time being. It’s really good.”

He added: “I recently had a moment of weakness where I asked out Suzanne from accounts, but funnily enough she is celibate too.”