Friday, 22nd January 2021

Families who kiss on the lips definitely weird, say scientists

A STUDY has confirmed that families who consider it acceptable to kiss each other on the lips are completely weird and creepy.

The Institute for Studies made test subjects watch a mother and her adult son greet each other with a lip-based kiss, and assessed their feelings of horror. 

Professor Henry Brubaker said: “The results of this survey are some of the least surprising I’ve ever seen in my time as a scientist.

“The majority of subjects were repulsed, approximately 30 were physically sick and the rest reported long-term psychological problems such as ‘I can’t stop thinking about it’.

“Surely it goes without saying that it’s utterly demented to kiss any blood relative on the mouth? You wouldn’t playfully tickle your uncle’s nipples in any circumstances.”

One participant remarked: “The answer to ‘Who was your first proper kiss with?’ should never be ‘My mum’. Particularly if you’re still snogging them aged 30 and beyond.”

Josh Hudson, from a family that kisses on the lips, said: “That’s nothing, you should see how we say goodbye.”