Family dreading plan to ‘do something different’ for Christmas

A MUM’S desire to ‘do something different’ at Christmas has been met with fear and suspicion by her family, it has emerged.

Donna Sheridan’s family believe they could be forced into any number of unpleasant activities on Christmas Day, ranging from visiting a freezing ruined castle to helping out at a homeless hostel.

Husband Neil said: “Every few years Donna insists on doing things differently, like the time we had Christmas dinner in the Norwegian style. How I enjoyed my boiled cod.

“Once she drove us to the seaside for a charity swim organised by insane people. Fortunately we had to come home early when I instantly got cramp and almost drowned.

“I’m just praying she hasn’t decided on something crazy this year, like only allowing presents made from 100% recycled materials. Christ, for all I know she could have already rented a yurt in Wales.”

Sheridan’s family has now checked her browsing history for threats to a normal Christmas, with potentially worrying searches including ‘hang gliding’, ‘historic buildings, educational’ and ‘visiting lonely old people’.

Donna Sheridan said: “Who wants to spend Christmas Day slumped in front of the TV drinking sherry when you could be having an exciting trek through the mist on top of Snowdonia?

“I don’t want to give too much away, but let’s just say Christmas this year will involve an otter sanctuary, sushi and a trip to Wolverhampton.”

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Lunatic buys shitload of Christmas presents for baby

A MAN has spent a ridiculous amount of money on Christmas gifts for his six month-old son.

Martin Bishop, 32, believes that his infant son Ian will really appreciate the plethora of gifts that await him under the tree.

Bishop said: “He’s at an important stage in his development where he needs £300 worth of stuff from the Disney store and a tablet computer – a proper Apple one not some off-brand Argos thing.

“Ian is not the sort of baby who would be amused by something as simple as a felt clown with a bell on it. He’s an advanced baby.

“He will thank me in future years, when he has achieved the necessary level of development to recognise toys or know what Christmas is.”