Family that didn't send Christmas cards suffers no ill effects whatsoever

A FAMILY that has opted not to send Christmas cards this year is reporting no negative consequences whatsoever.

The Fisher family had feared being shunned for their lack of cardboard-based salutations, but confirmed their worries had been completely unfounded.

Mary Fisher explained: “I was making a Christmas card list and suddenly started to think about all the time and money I’ve spent on seasons greetings over the years.

“Then the idea hit me like a bolt of lightning: why not just fucking not bother? We decided we’ll still say Merry Christmas when we see people, using our words, rather than a series of overpriced multipacks from Marks and Spencer, and 15 quid’s worth of stamps.”

The Fishers’ concerns that they would be cast out from society, or subjected to enquiries about their wellbeing after failing to appear in card form, were quickly put to rest with the discovery that pretty much no one gives a shit about Christmas cards.  

The move has ended several friendships that were based solely on the annual exchange of Christmas cards, but this is also being considered a win for all involved, except Royal Mail.

The decision hasn’t yet, however, saved them from receiving upwards of 50 cards and Aunt Joan’s remarkably passive-aggressive annual family newsletter.  

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Jeremy Corbyn's guide to a progressive socialist Christmas

WITH shopping to do and parties to go to, it’s easy to forget the true meaning of Christmas – international socialism. Here’s how to have a left-wing festive season.

Avoid militarist films

Reject capitalist war profiteering by not watching militarist propaganda like The Great Escape. I will also be avoiding superhero films due to their sickening elitism.

Have a marrow-based dinner

I love having people over for a sumptuous Christmas dinner, so I’ll be making my famous boiled marrow. Make sure your guests definitely get the invitation or there’s a danger no one will turn up, like last year.

Buy left-wing presents

Everyone loves socialist Christmas presents. This year I’m getting my wife a fascinating book I discovered called From Nye Bevan to Neoliberalism: Changing Economic Challenges Facing the Modern Welfare State. At 804 pages it’ll last a lot longer than a bottle of Chanel No. 5!

Be ‘revolutionary’ with your tree

Instead of a fairy on top of your tree, challenge bourgeois conservatism and put a scowling figure of Leon Trotsky up there.

Don’t forget the young socialists!

This year all my young relatives will be getting action figures from a wonderful non-profit socialist toy shop I found in Islington. I can’t wait to see them having adventures with Bearded 1980s CND Man and Earnest Middle Class Activist Woman.

Leave something out for Santa

On Christmas Eve I leave out 10 carrots and 10 mince pies to encourage Santa to share profits equally among his reindeer workforce.