PEOPLE driving to work after a night of alcohol have denied that drunk feelings and drunkenness are the same thing.
As the party season begins, millions of sober people have woken up very woozy indeed but in no way unfit to operate a motor vehicle.
Sales manager Tom Booker said: “I had my twelfth and final pint at 4am and the body processes alcohol…really quickly. Also I have had a massive bowl of Cheerios.
“So I can’t still be drunk, even if everything is on a slight angle, and I have a mild notion of invincibility.
“Look, I have no trouble getting the keys in the ignition.
“OK that’s not the ignition, that’s the fag lighter. Here’s the ignition, here it fucking is.”
HR co-ordinator Emma Bradford said: “The important thing about driving the morning after a massive night on the piss is that it’s socially acceptable.
“Also because of traffic congestion I can’t go fast enough to do any real damage.”
Road safety expert Nikki Hollis said: “This Christmas our message is, ‘fuck it all, we give up’.”