Fervent belief in nationalisation badly shaken by trip to municipal swimming pool

A MAN’S belief that the railways should be re-nationalised has been rocked by the inefficiency, rudeness and indifference at his local pool.

Nathan Muir, a Corbyn supporter and fierce critic of the private sector, admitted that he may have to rethink his views after attempting to book swimming lessons for his children.

He said: “There were four people behind the desk when I arrived. Four. I waited ten minutes. Not one of them looked up.

“When they finally deigned to notice me, I asked about lessons and the woman barked ‘what stage are they at?’ I said they were reasonable swimmers. She said ‘what STAGE?’ like I was the recent victim of a head injury.

“Then I had to fill out two forms, then she inputted those same forms onto the computer while a queue built up behind me, then she asked for their swimcards and I said they didn’t have swimcards and she just bowed her head like ‘I can’t believe this dickhead.’

“I hate that I’m saying this but that woman needs to be afraid for her job, and the whole system needs some highly-paid consultants, and basically make it all more like fucking Starbucks.

“Is this what British Rail was like? Christ. So it’s shit choices either way.”

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Is it okay to hate vegans because of what they eat? Yes, or of course not you utter moron?

IS IT okay to hate someone because they don’t eat the same food as you do? Or should you just mind your own fucking business?

You’re in a restaurant and you overhear someone say ‘Is it OK for vegans?’ How do you respond?

A. Couldn’t give a shit.

B. I turn around in my chair, look them up and down and then shake my head, while muttering to myself, ‘Is this what people died in wars for?’

A friend is bringing their vegan partner to dinner. How do you respond?

A. Cool. Tell us what they like and we’ll get it for them.

B. You flip over your coffee table, set fire to the curtains and then go outside into the street and scream, ‘Not in this house!’.

You see someone in the supermarket looking at vegan food. How do you react?

A. Couldn’t give a shit.

B. You hurl tins of beans at them while pointing and making some sort of guttural screaming sound. You then chase them from the store before sitting on the ground to chew on a big fuck-off bone like a werewolf.

Mostly As: Couldn’t give a shit.

Mostly Bs: Me love meat. No eat meat bad. And yes, it is my business what you put into your body.