Monday, 3rd August 2020

Finally the riots, thinks Brexiter hearing fireworks

A BREXITER hearing fireworks going off has mistaken them for the pro-Brexit riots he is expecting to sweep the country. 

Joe Turner of Lincoln heard the bangs, checked the front door was locked and headed upstairs to watch the patriotic revolution surge through Britain from the front bedroom.

He said: “Took their time. Should’ve been the 31st, but it’s not like the wounds of betrayal will ever heal so I suppose there wasn’t a rush.

“I imagine it’ll begin here, in the provincial towns, then we’ll encircle the Remainers in the big cities with their poncey jobs, burn them out and send them to the countryside to learn to live correctly, like Pol Pot did.

“Though from the sounds of those bangs there’s a flurry of on-the-spot executions. City council most likely. They’ve only themselves to blame.

“Yep, I can see the fires. Houses? Shops? Can’t tell from here. A strong wind and half the city’ll go up. Still, you can’t make an omelette without breaking a few eggs.

“Whoosh! That was a big one. Probably Nick Boles, he’s one of them. Shame I missed that. Still, they’ll probably show the highlights on the news once we’ve taken the BBC.”