A MAN has had his best first date ever after completely concealing the majority of his personality.
After drinks at a bar some distance away from his regular Wetherspoons, Wayne Hayes took his date to an award-winning film that wasn’t about revenge or illegal car racing.
Hayes said: “She seemed to really like whoever it was she had a night out with, so I’m going to have to write a biography of who I’m meant to be so I don’t accidentally behave normally in front of her.
“I’m not even sure she thinks I’m called Wayne – I think I chose a more dynamic name like Jonah or Sprint.”
38-year-old Nikki Hollis confirmed that her date with Hayes went really well, and that her actual name is Lynn and she is not 27. She hopes to go on a second date where she can do things she’ll claim she never normally does on a second date.
She said: “Sprint and I really bonded over our mutual love of opera, which I think is the one with all the dancing in it.
“I love the early part of a relationship where it’s all about memorising the carefully-constructed bullshit you’ve both concocted.”