BEEN let down? Messed about? Want to give someone an almighty bollocking? Here are five culprits you’re almost brave enough to have a go at.
The delivery driver
Had another package lost, drop-kicked into your garden or left with a shitty neighbour? The delivery guy may as well just burn it on your porch while laughing at you. But instead of tearing a strip off him, like you told your partner you would, you meekly say ‘Thanks, mate’ when your next damaged Amazon purchase arrives.
The noisy neighbour
It’s a scientific fact that people with shit taste in music play it loudest. So after another night where their bass makes your home feel like a nightclub toilet, you resolve to act. You’ll kick in their front door and unleash a verbal shitstorm which will force them to totally re-evaluate their life choices. Or you’ll put your head under the pillow and tell your partner ‘It’ll probably stop in a minute’.
Certain establishments think it’s normal for every Tripadvisor review to be terrible, and waiters act accordingly. Waited 45 minutes to order? Been sent the wrong food? Confrontation isn’t your thing so even if the waiter stabs you through the hand with a steak knife you’ll still compliment the food and give them a little thumbs-up. Tuck into your nice cold burger, you worm.
Ageing parents are a frustrating species. For people who had jobs, raised kids and taught you countless skills, their lack of understanding is bewildering. With their strange habits, friction with your partner and general timewasting – fancy explaining how Sky+ works for the 800,000th time? – sometimes they need a good shake. Instead you promise to ‘have a serious word’ next time you see them. Then you don’t. They wouldn’t hear most of it anyway. Also: childcare.
Your kid’s teacher
Your child’s teacher shouted at her again. It was all very unfair, confirms your totally-unbiased spawn. But by the time parents’ evening rolls around, you’ve remembered the school takes them off your hands for most of the week. Teachers can do what they like so long as they don’t lose them on a field trip. Even then they’ll probably find their way home when they’re hungry.