Flat earth conspiracy theorists now claiming there is a 'female orgasm'

CONSPIRACY theorists that believe the earth is flat and 9-11 was an inside job are now claiming that there is such a thing as a ‘female orgasm’. 

Flat earthers, who believe NASA and the Illuminati have conspired to dupe the public into believing the earth is spherical, have now suggested that women are actually capable of enjoying sex.

Tom Booker said: “Don’t believe the media brainwashing. This pandemic was made in America, there’s no curve on the horizon and women can climax just like men.

“Watch my YouTube channel. Of course, we haven’t got all the facts yet – it’s not like Hillary Clinton’s murders – but there’s compelling evidence that the orgasm’s powerful, thrilling and real.

“I know it’s hard to believe. Stuff like the earth being flat, surrounded on all sides by an impassable wall of ice and protected by a dome of polarised magnetism is obvious. This is more of a stretch.”

Dr Francesca Johnson said: “We try to keep an open mind, but empirical evidence from millions of women worldwide strongly points to this being false.

“However if anyone does have proof pointing to the existence of the female orgasm or, even better, could demonstrate how to achieve such a thing, I would be very interested in talking to them.”

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Mum never thought she'd be so desperate to visit a soft play centre

A WOMAN who has entertained her children in her own home for four months would give anything to ignore them in a soft play centre for two hours.

29-year-old Lauren Hewitt used to believe soft play centres were the seventh circle of Hell, but in recent weeks has begun to dream about taking her children there and blissfully ignoring them for two hours.

She said: “I would give a kidney for the opportunity to to sit down, drink terrible coffee and scroll mindlessly through social media to the relaxing sound of screams that aren’t my problem.

“They’ve been home with me for 14 weeks. During that time I’ve come to realise that soft play does more for my mental health than anything else, including meditation apps, therapy and 40 per cent proof booze.

“If they can open the pubs, which are full of people staggering around laughing like twats and being sick in corners, why can’t they open soft play?

“They’re basically the same thing.”