Fresh blow for human nature as experts say it includes religion

THE reputation of human nature has hit new lows after a comprehensive study found it includes believing in god. 

The international, multi-year study found inventing a deity, following its rules and blindly accepting things for which there is not a shred of evidence is a fundamental part of who you are, whoever you are. 

Dr Stephen Malley of Roehampton University said: “As belief in God is innate, attempting to overcome it is ultimately futile. This is a dark day for rationality. 

“It appears that in all cultures, big or small, across the world humans will find a god, announce it’s the one true God and start a fight about it. Except Buddhism, but it’s not like they’re so great. 

“This is bad news for Richard Dawkins. Also, has anyone told him he looks a bit like God himself or would that just rile him up?” 

The study is only the newest crisis for human nature, already burdened by violence, dishonesty, greed and a fondness for watching freaks on television.

Nathan Muir of Chelmsford said: “I have often thought there must be a God, and secretly he likes me best.” 

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Lecter hired PR firm to smear the shark from 'Jaws'

HANNIBAL Lecter used a public relations firm to mount a smear campaign against his chief rival in flesh-eating villainy, it has emerged.

The cannibal psychiatrist hired Burson-Marsteller to plant a series of negative stories in the press about the great white shark from Jaws and how it likes to steal its victim’s personal details before biting them in half.

But the tactic was exposed when a leading shark expert published an email from the PR firm asking for dirt on the 17 foot-long man eater.

Dr Matt Hopper said: “They wanted me to say that the shark was making a woman suit out of human skin.

“When I explained that sharks are not generally transsexual they then asked me if I would at least say that the shark had displayed a ‘cavalier attitude’ to personal privacy.

“Although eating someone could be described as an invasion of their personal space, I did not want to bring sharkology into disrepute and therefore declined.”

The smear campaign is the latest episode in the intense rivalry between the two as they seek to outdo each other in their insatiable desire for human flesh.

Lecter said last night: “Read Marcus Aurelius. Of each particular thing ask – what is it in itself? What is its nature?

“The shark covets. That is his nature. And how do we begin to covet, Clarice? We begin by coveting what we see every day. Passwords, email accounts, pin numbers and secret porn folders marked ‘boring money stuff’.”

But the shark insisted: “This is bullshit. I ate five people and a labrador. He eats 27 people – with wine – but somehow I’m the fucking bad guy?

“Stick it up your arse.”