YOU are facing the sack today because you once said something about someone that some other people have decided to find offensive.
Pressure has been building on you since last week when one of your colleagues remembered you once made a remark about how the barmaid in the pub next to the office was reasonably attractive and that you could see yourself having sex with her after three, possibly four pints of lager.
Although the barmaid said she really didn’t mind and accepted it as part and parcel of working in the pub trade, the comment was leaked to the rest of the office leading to growing anger, followed by an outcry.
The outcry quickly evolved into furious demands for you to be sacked, mostly from people who had made the same remark about the same barmaid but saw this is an opportunity to get rid of you because they have never liked the way you drink your coffee.
But some have leapt to your defence, insisting the real reason you are being sacked is because you are reclaiming payment protection insurance from a subsidiary of your employer’s parent company.
A source said: “Everyone involved in this – you, your employer, your employer’s parent company and everyone who thinks you should be sacked, particularly the ones who didn’t like you anyway, really need to go fuck themselves to death.
“If you were guards at Auschwitz, I couldn’t hate you more.”
Meanwhile your colleague is under no pressure whatsoever after an email emerged in which she expressed a desire to ‘ride that Benedict Cumberbatch until his eyes pop out of his head’.