Fresher getting ready for night out that will wreck her career in 10 years' time

A UNIVERSITY fresher is currently getting ready for the night out that will destroy her career in 2028.

Excitable maths student Nikki Hollis, 18, is blissfully unaware that the evening will lead to disciplinary hearing and dismissal in a decade.

She said: “We’re going on a big pub crawl with everyone from my halls of residence, it’s going to be so much fun. I’m not a massive drinker, but I can let my hair down.”

The subsequent video of her puking into a drain wearing Wonder Woman costume, will be posted to Instagram by some bastard.

She will not be aware of this until 2028, when it will be used to oust her from a promising position at a management consultancy firm.

The group’s male party-goers will also be the subject of several risque videos, including footage of them groping women in a club and singing racist football chants, but will face no repercussions either on the night or in future.

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What sort of music prick are you?

MUSIC is one of humanity’s greatest creations but there are still loads of ways to be a real prick about it. Which type of music prick are you?

Obscure music prick
You and a bunch of other pale ale drinking irritants will suddenly hate Tongan shadow funk the moment it goes mainstream. You eat in restaurants where they only serve cereal.

Pop prick
Your entire music collection has been informed by Capital Radio and not one of your favourite artists has less than half a billion YouTube views. Your definition of a classic is Flying Without Wings by Westlife.

Vinyl prick
You can bleat on for hours about the differences between analogue and digital sound. You enjoy the technical details of music more than the actual sounds. You have never had sex.

Sexy dance music prick
You love playlists with pictures of models in bikinis called things like ‘deep twat-flex chillax house groove mix’. Your idea of raving is take steroids for a month and then fly to Ibiza to do the running man with your top off. You have made house music horrible.

Modern music is terrible prick
For you all music stopped being good after 1975. You delight in smugly comparing Coldplay to The Beatles and saying your generation birthed rock and roll and influenced everything. You neglect to mention your generation is now a group of property-fixated pissheads who ruined the world for your children.