Friend claiming to be ‘five minutes away’ such a f**king liar

A WOMAN was ‘five minutes away’ for an hour and a half, it has emerged. 

Susan Traherne was due to meet friend Mary Fisher for a quick coffee and catch up, but began to deviate from the plan with a text claiming she was ‘running a few minutes late’.

Fisher said: “When Susan said she’d be five minutes, I ordered her a coffee. I was just about to give it to a homeless person when she called for a third time to mention ‘five minutes’ yet again and being ‘just around the corner I swear’.

“I know my friend would never deliberately lie to me, so there has to be another explanation. Maybe she’s counting in dog years? Or perhaps she stumbled into another dimension where time works differently?”

Traherne finally arrived almost 90 minutes later after ‘rushing to get there’ through ‘nightmare traffic’ despite having taken the tube. She had left home on time, pausing only for brief detour to New Look to try on that dress she saw online.

She said: “After my epic trek to see Mary, she stayed for about ten minutes and then said she ‘had to go’ because of ‘a hospital appointment’. Pretty fucking rude, right?

“Some people are so self-absorbed.”