A FRIEND’S friend has revealed himself to be an unmitigated arsehole.
Popular office worker Tom Logan’s current friends met his old friend Wayne Hayes during a trip to the pub in which Hayes turned out to be confusingly detestable.
Friend Nikki Hollis said: “Tom’s cool, so I assumed his mate Wayne would be nice too. That was before he kept looking at my breasts while simultaneously being rude to me.
“Wayne was unnecessarily argumentative which I think was an attempt to pick me up by establishing himself as a dominant alpha male. That didn’t work because I’m not a female monkey.
“Maybe Tom’s an arsehole too but he’s better at hiding it. You can’t help wondering.”
Fellow friend Stephen Malley said: “Wayne has views that are dodgy enough to make you pretend you need the toilet so you can get talking to someone else on the way back. He told me to google whether there really are more mosques than chip shops in Leicester.”
During the evening Hayes also alienated Logan’s friends with his views on feminism, by recounting the entire plot of The Force Awakens and by being anally retentive about who he had bought drinks for.
Tom Logan said: “Wayne’s alright really. Actually he’s not. Maybe it’s time to stop basing a friendship on sitting together during geography lessons in 1986.”